What Would You Do, If You Weren't Afraid?

What would you do, if you weren't afraid?

It's such a loaded question...

I saw this on Tumblr early this morning and it has stuck with me. I've been thinking about it all day and I still don't have my perfect answer...

But, hey... Life is not about perfection right? And not having my perfect answer but still putting this out into the world is actually frightening to me so I guess it kind of goes with the whole theme here.

So... what would I do if I was not afraid?

The simplest answer is what wouldn't I do if I was not afraid? I would do everything to be honest. I would not fear the consequences and I would throw caution to the wind and I would do everything.

I would sing loud and often and always. I would write music and play the guitar and send in demos and make music videos and post them on YouTube. I would play shows and I would be the musician I wish I could be.

I would travel the world, on my own or with friends. I would visit all the places I've read about or seen pictures of or watched movies about. I would go somewhere I don't speak the language and I would meet people and make new friends. It would be epic and it would be amazing and the stories I would have... I can't even imagine.

I would move to a new city or state... *cough cough* Portland, Oregon *cough*. And it would be amazing. New suroundings, new people, new adventures!

I would post take more photos and I would share my photography without fear of judgement.

I would tell the people I love that I love them. All of the people I love. Not just the ones I'm comfortable telling. I would tell everyone that's important to me how important they are to me. I would tell everyone that I love just how much and why I love them.

I would share more things about myself. Things that people might think are weird and could judge me for. I would share without fear of judgement or ridicule... Just thinking about this makes me equal parts itchy and happy... I don't think that will make sense to most people, but there you go.

I would live without fear of consequence. I don't mean that I would do things that had dire or destructive consequences, living without fear is not the same as living without conscience. I would still live within my beliefs and morales. I would not do anything I could not live with and I would not do anything that was damaging or harmful to another person... even someone who I didn't really like very much...

Fear is kind of a bitch.

- E

Phone Free Weekend!

So the other day at work I was talking to a couple co-workers and an idea sparked in my head.

An idea that some say is crazy.

An idea that some say will never work.

The idea is a challenge.

The challenge is 48 hours cell phone free.

And it's a challenge I attempted (and conquered) last weekend. This is my adventure.

Friday evening I was feeling pretty confident though as the midnight deadline I had created for myself was fast approaching I could feel just a hint of anxiety starting to build. For the most part I hadn't shared that I was going "off the grid" with most people in my life, there were however a select few that I knew might worry if they didn't hear from me for two days and I made sure they were in the know.

I had set an alarm on my phone to go off right before midnight and as it started to ring I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about this whole plan, but my determination won out and the phone went off at 12:02AM Saturday morning.

Now to be fair I should let you know that I did still use my iPad and iPod to listen to music, play games, and clean out my email... BUT with the no phone I decided to take a break from social media as well and I'm happy to say I stayed completely out of Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram which I was not sure I could do let me just tell you!

I could go through each day minute by minute and hour by hour, but that seems boring.... at least it does to me, and I don't think you'd actually enjoy reading that. So instead I wanted to tell you just a few things I learned while living "off the grid".

I learned that I am 100% dependent on my phone to know what time it is. I honestly can't remember the last time I owned or wore a watch. There are also no clocks in my living room at all. Knowing what time it is can be ridiculously important when meeting people for dinner or figuring out if you have enough time to watch another episode of Supernatural before going to sleep and waking up hella early. Also... it should be noted that my cell phone is my alarm clock... I had to get creative for my early Sunday morning.

I learned that not living through Social Media and my phone gave me SO MUCH MORE TIME to just be around my friends. Being present with my friends in the moments as they were happening this weekend was so incredible. It gave me the opportunity to have real conversations without the distractions of notifications every 5 seconds.

I learned that not being tied to my phone was freeing. Since getting a cell phone around 15 years ago I can't think of a time I have not had it attached to my person in some way. Now as phones get "smarter" and the internet larger and everyone seems more and more connected to everyone else the attachment has only increased. It's become a life line of sorts, my life is so wrapped up in my phone with email and billpay and health tracking and the calendar and you know... everything!

I learned that I don't need to be connected.

Now with all of these new life lessons, I also learned that I like being connected usually. I like having my finger on the pulse... or whatever you want to call it. I like being able to check my Twitter account and see if my friends or a random person I follow has tweeted out something entertaining. I like to see how my friends are doing based on their Facebook status updates and seeing pictures of their random adventures. It makes me happy that I can send a text message to my friend and get an instant response. That when I'm hundreds of miles away or hundreds of feet away from someone I love, my words don't have to be.

And maybe that's super cheesy, but I don't care. I love cheese :)

So, I'm sure you're all wondering if this is going become a "thing" for me, eh? And honestly, I'm not sure, I certainly like knowing that I can detach if the need every arises. I will also absolutely be more conscious of the time I'm spending on my phone, specifically when I'm with a friend IRL. 

Oh! Before I close this all up, let me just tell you about the ridiculous ego boost that goes along with turning your phone BACK ON after being off for 48 hours! (And yes, it was a full 48 hours I didn't turn it back on until 12:02AM Monday morning.) The notifications were just wonderful and they popped up for a good 3-5 minutes as everything started to connect to the wi-fi. Absolutely wonderful.

Much love.

E

Sleep is Elusive... So I Write

I don't know that I have anything of value to post today but I can't sleep so this is what is going to happen. No sleep for me means random blog post for you and your eyes to read.

I make no promises that this will be coherent or entertaining. Only that it will be.

First of all I feel the need to thank those friends that after my post last week reached out to me. You're all beautiful flowers and I love you.

Now onto the random ramblings of a slightly crazy, sleep deprived person!

Today my world was spinning. Now you're probably thinking to yourself... "Ericka, every single person's world spins! That's what the world does. It spins. Duh! We learn this early in school my friend." And well... You would be right. However today my world was spinning in the this-is-going-to-fast-and-I-don't-want-to-ride-on-this-ride-anymore way. So I did what any sane person would do in the same situation and I sat at my desk and cried for a minute (maybe more than a minute). These are things people do, they let their feelings out, it's not a big deal. Okay?

I'm not going to go into why I was upset, mostly because I don't know... But also because I don't really feel like sharing all the crazy that goes on up in my head. It's mine and you can't have it, so there. You probably have your own shit you're not dealing with, so don't look at me with those judgemental eyes either!

Back to the spinning. I'm not sure when it started and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm hanging on for dear life or anything like that, because let me just tell you it's not that dramatic, but when I start to think about all the things I should be doing compared to the things I'm actually doing the scales begin to tip and the overwhelming feeling of YIKES! starts.

Now I should probably say that I know the expectations that I put on myself are MUCH higher than anyone else could ever put on me... unless you think I should rule the wor-- Actually no, the expectations I put on myself will always be 175% more than anyone else ever could. So the list of "should" is not anywhere close to realistic, and my rational mind knows this. But lets be real. Irrationality is where it's at, bro! 

So bring on the guilt! (Though side note: The guilt trip I lay on myself will be much more than anyone could ever lay on me, so that's a thing.)

So where does this leave things?

Oh, I'm sure I have no idea.

But it does feel better to write about them.

It feels nice to get random thoughts out into the world, so that's what I will continue to do. Maybe you will read them and something will resonate with you and that's cool. Maybe that won't happen, and that's cool too. 

Either way I'll probably keep doing this when sleep is elusive.

Now for something COMPLETELY different. Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire" is probably my favorite thing in the whole world right now. And Jasmine Thompson's cover of it is hauntingly beautiful. You're welcome.

Much Love.

E

Too Much & Not Enough

Sometimes things weigh on our minds and even if you haven't completely formed the thoughts in your head, they need to come out.

This is why I'm writing.

But first I need you to know that I am making my self vulnerable right now, and I can't tell you how much that bothers me. I don't enjoy vulnerability... specifically in myself.

My hope is that this bit of myself is met with loving and non-judgmental eyes and caring hearts.

How is it possible to feel both "too much" and "not enough" at the same time?

I know I am not the only person that has felt these conflicting feelings together... and yet when you're in the thick of it you feel like you are. 

Let's talk about "too much" - I've felt this feel before my friends and it is not a happy place! When you're as loud as I am you get used to people telling you to tone it down, be quiet, use your inside voice, etc. etc. It starts to become a part of you, you're the one that always needs to tone it down a notch. You're the one that is too much for others to handle. And while it starts in one tiny aspect of your life it will slowly seep into every part of you. Soon you second guess your humor, your openness, your kindness, your vulnerability, your intelligence, your everything. Is it all too much? Are you too much? When you walk out of a room do those you've left behind all look at each other with that knowing look, that thank-goodness-she's-gone-look-she's-overwhelming-us-all look?

It doesn't matter if that's a real thing, it becomes real in your mind, and friend the mind is very powerful!

Soon it starts to affect the way you react in social situations. It starts to change you, this feeling of being "too much", and you don't even notice because it's subtle at first. It's sneaky. It creates self doubt and self doubt is a son of a bitch.

It starts affecting your solid friendships and relationships with people. If you don't want to seem overwhelming you start to withdraw and stop sharing.

Don't even get me started on making NEW friends! Anyone you meet when you're in this weird realm of reality, do they even meet you?

Now through all this, what happens when someone starts to chip away at this lie of you being "too much"? What happens when you start to let your guard down and you share the burden?

Well first of all, you apologize. You apologize to your friend more times than you've apologized for anything in your life, because that self doubt, that wall that's been built up saying you're too much to handle, that tiny jerk of a voice inside your head tells you to stop burdening this poor soul with your baggage. So you apologize. And you apologize again and again and again and again. Because even though your friend tells you it's not too much, that you're not too much, it's really hard to believe them.

What a concept?!

And truly, you probably won't believe it the first, oh I don't know, 500 times you hear it. But eventually you'll start to realize that if it was truly too much, there's nothing keeping your friend there. Nothing but the love and care they have and show you.

That's an amazing realization, let me tell you...

Now I'd like to talk about "not enough", the evil step sister of "too much"- While you'd think they should be mutually exclusive and not experienced at the same time, evil step siblings gang up on you and they tear you apart for the pure joy of it. The feeling of "not enough" is all about inadequacies, whether real or imagined and that feel is a destroyer.

"Not enough" is cruel and knows no boundaries. Maybe it starts when you're young and you get picked last for the soccer team at recess, or maybe it starts in high school when you're walking home from school with your friend and she tells you she's better than you at a thing you love. That's the kicker with "not enough", it can start with the smallest comment. Most people would let it slide right off their back, it's a throw away, it wasn't meant like that, it was a joke. I am not most people. I take that shit to heart.

It's a seed of doubt and it roots down deep, it's a weed that grows and becomes more than you ever realized. It's a sneaky bastard as well because you don't even realize that you're cultivating it every time you believe someone who tells you that you are not good enough. And believe them you do, man. Because this comes from people you trust, or at least at some point in your life thought were trustworthy, so you believe them and you believe them and you believe them. It's a slippery slope and when you start down, it's so hard to climb back up.

One day as your struggling on your slippery slope someone will tell you that you're amazing. They will tell you exactly what you need to hear. They will tell you that you are enough, you are more than enough because you are you and that's all you need to be. You will call that person a liar... though probably not to their face. But you won't believe them. So they will tell you again... and again and again and again.

And someday, you will believe them. And that my friends is another realization that just knocks your socks off!

It's intense and it's real and it's raw and you feel exposed and vulnerable and oh man oh man...

So this is where my thoughts have taken me today. This is what needed to come out.

This is my vulnerability.

Much love.

E

10 Things I Hate More Than Snow

In the midst of another snow storm, freezing temperatures, and page upon page of clever complaints and statements on Facebook, I have decided to take a different approach.

Because snow is not the worst thing in the world.

Here are ten things in the world I hate more than snow.

1. Meat - Especially bacon. Don't hate, that just means there is more for you.

2. Scary Movies - Mostly because I'm pretty sure no matter how silly the premise is, it will happen to me. Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds.

3. Clowns - Because they are evil.

4. American Idol - I don't know if I can put into words how much I don't like that show. Though I do like a few of the artists that have been introduced to the world because of it.

5. The Real Housewives... of every region - I don't think this one needs any explanation.

6. A Flooded Basement - If you have ever had 4 inches of standing water in your basement for days upon days, you will understand this. If you haven't consider yourself ridiculously lucky.

7. Flying - Irrational... I know...

8. Paying Bills - Being in debt in general really.

9. Selfish, Uncaring People - I mean really, you're not the only person on the planet!

10. Foot Surgery - If you didn't know I have seven screws in my foot holding my bones together. It's constantly painful. It sucks.

As I finish this list I realize I could continue this list with many more things I hate more than snow like the long hiatus between seasons on the BBC, the fact that I can't spend more time writing, and my lack of travel thus far in my life. This list could take on a life of it's own and turn into a giant bitch session, but then I'm getting way off track.

My point is this.

Yes, the snow sucks.

Yes, this winter is one of the coldest in a while.

Yes, there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

BUT!

We'll survive. We'll move on. We'll warm up when the Spring comes, and it WILL come sooner than you know, it's not like we live in Westeros or the land beyond the wall where winter lasts for years or forever!

Sending warm thoughts your way!

Much love.

E

Trying New Things: Air Curler

So you may or may not know this about me...

I LOVE INFORMERCIALS!

LOVE THEM!

I also love "As Seen On TV" sections of stores. With this extreme love for infomercials and "As Seen On TV" items I have tried many things. Some have been wonderful and some have sucked. I could give you a list of about 10-15 items I've purchased personally or have been purchased for me and review each one, but that's not what I'm going to do today.

Today I'm just going to tell you about the pleasant surprise I received after trying my newest "As Seen On TV" gadget the Air Curler!

This week I'm on vacation from work and I happened to find myself at Meijer browsing while waiting for a prescription and I happened upon the ASOT aisle and after happily browsing I saw the Air Curler and decided I just needed to try it. I was ridiculously skeptical, but my curiosity got the best of me and I spent the $15.

I've been staring at it for 3 days and today was the day I decided to try it and I LOVE IT!

(Side note: My hair is getting ridiculously long...)

I don't know what I was expecting, but I was definetly NOT expecting this. And this is just the first run! No product, no curling iron. Just this weird looking hair dryer attachment.

The tool is a bit awkward to work with althought that may have just been my first-timer lack of ability. I will do some things differently next time, most importantly I'll dry my hair a bit more before I start the twirling.

Overall though... I'm pretty happy with the outcome. YAY for not wasting $15! XD

Much love.

E

NaNo Freak Out!

And the nervousness sets in...

In approximately 2 weeks I will start writing my novel for National Novel Writing Month, or as it's more commonly known, NaNoWriMo. This will be my second attempt, my first attempt was last year and while I wrote a ridiculous amount of words, 16,250 to be exact. I was quite a bit short of the 50,000 words it takes to win.

I've taken a week of vacation in November for the express purpose of writing my novel.

This year I will win.

I am determined. I am driven. I am adamant. I am saying the same thing in different ways because I am also not sure what I'm going to do.

I have no plot. I have no main character. I have no conflict. I have nothing. Well I suppose that's not completely true... I have panic. I have nerves. I have apprehension. I have cold feet... And I have fear that the entire endeavor will end up an entire flop... like last year...

Darn you over thinking brain!

50,000 words. 1,667 words per day. 

When you break it down it doesn't seem that scary. It truly doesn't... at least to me it doesn't... until I start thinking about my lack of plot, character, crisis, etc.

Where is my inspiration dammit! 

Last year I jumped in, started a story, got stuck, hated it, started a new one, didn't totally feel the new story, get stuck, and finally quit writing when not even half way completed. This year I really wanted to be prepared. Ready. 

So... 2 weeks... I can come up with an outline by then right? A plot? At least a character? Right?

Right?

Oh dear...

Much love.

E

Homemade Soup, ArtPrize, & The Doctor

I have not introduction so lets just dive in.

Three day weekend = SUCCESS!

My "Friday Fun-Day" was more of a "Friday Sleep-Day". I didn't plan on sleeping the day away, and yet after turning my alarm off at 7 AM, the next time thing I remember is looking at my phone at 2:30 PM. So much for a productive day off work. 

Now don't start feeling bad about my "wasted" day. I made homemade tomato soup, unintentionally, that was quite delicious. I watched 3 episodes of Dexter, and I made significant progress on a baby blanket I started well before the intended recipient, who is not almost 5 months old, was born. All in all, a good day!

My soup:

Saturday brought a trip downtown to ArtPrize. We spent about 2 hours navigating crowds and walking around the various sculptures, paintings, and other such things. It was wonderful, though I did not see as much as I wanted to. There is literally something for anyone down there and it's absolutely insane how many people were out to enjoy the art. I'm hoping to go again this week, but later in the evening. I've heard there are quite a few things that are even more wonderful at night.

One of my favorite photos from Saturday:

The evening ended with a mini-marathon of Doctor Who, which is really how every day should end. In our re-watch, we're currently in the Donna Noble era. I forget how much I like Donna. She is absolutely fantastic. Silence in the Library is one of my favorites or hers though it's hard for me to pick a favorite from Tenant's last season, they are all so brilliant. The 50th is going to be epic. 

My three day weekend ended with a lazy Sunday filled with movies, laundry, and crochet. (Yea, that's right. I'm wild!) I actually completed the baby blanket which I couldn't be more excited about, and completed all of my laundry. Day full of win right here!

OH! Oh my! How could I have forgotten! iOS7! Yes, technically that was not this weekend, but I got to play around with it throughout much of my weekend so... yea... 

First thoughts. I like it. No complaints from me, and I'm not just saying that because I'm an Apple Fan-Girl. I am truly enjoying the updated look and feel as well as some of the new features.

Tell you what, I'll do a proper review this week... Sound good? (I hope so because I'm off to sleep.)

Much love

E

Do What You Love!

I don't think I say this often enough but I have really amazing and inspiring friends. I have friends that unabashedly love the things they love. I have friends that are geeks and proud. I have friends that are not geeks and are proud of that. I have friends who are sports nuts and friends who are book freaks. And I love it. I just love it.

So today I want to share with you some of the things my amazing friends are doing.

Let's start with Jason. He has a website and has started blogging again. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. Jason's blog used to be one of my favorite things to read back in the day (back in the Myspace Days... yep... it was forever ago...) Anywho he's started a new one and it's phenomenal! You should probably check it out.

Fluxtaposed

Next I'll move to Lucas. Now I've plugged Lucas' site before. He has started a production company with his business partner. First of all I'm so proud of Luke for pursuing something he's passionate about, it's unbelievable inspring.

True Myth Media

New to the blogging world with brand new blog pages are Jess and Dannette. Dannette and I worked together to set her page up and I'm looking forward to reading some great things about her teaching adventures. Jess posted her first post the other night and I can already tell I'm going to love it. Jess has a unique perspective on everything and oh yes, she can tell a story!!

Jess - And P.S.

Dannette - This Super Life

Amanda! Oh Amanda. She has one of the most unique outlooks on life and her passion for her art is insane. I am forever inspired by her. She recently created a website that you should absolutely check out... like now!

Amanda's Site

On the subject of photography Chris! My good friend and former roommate Kendra married Chris last year (the wedding was adorable) and recently I have had the pleasure of being his student while learning the fine art of photography. Chris' pictures are absolutely stunning! I bet you can guess what I'm going to say next, eh? YES!! Check it out!
Chris Vanderlip Fine Art Photography

Okay I could probably go on and on and on with more and more people who do amazing things, but for now it's sleepy time.

Much love

E

OMG! This is my 30th post. YAY! Good times. Thanks for reading :)

Photo Adventuring!

It's September.

The time of PSLs, sweatshirts, turning leaves, and crisp air.

So please explain to me why I'm sitting in a tank and cotton pants with my air conditioner going sweating balls...

Now I know that summer doesn't "officially" end until the 21st or whatever, but this sudden heat wave with added humidity is disgusting.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. Not too hot. Not too cold. Nice breeze. Perfection! I don't think I could have asked for a better day for my photo adventure.

Oh let me tell you about my adventure! 

Early last week I decided I wanted to go out and take pictures, but I wanted a partner. I called up my good friend Amanda and we made plans to take an adventure on Sunday. We started off with one place I wanted to go, a church in a field. That's pretty much all I knew about it, I had been there earlier this year for a service and I just thought it looked so amazing inside and through the windows into the farm and fields next door.

On the way to said church we ended up lost more than once because even though I thought I knew where I was going, I was clearly wrong. (Worst navigator ever.) But we finally made it and the church was closed... worst news ever. But we were still able to take a few really great pictures of the farms and fields and even a few through the giant windows on the side of the church... why yes, yes we were being creepers.

Our next stop ended up being GUERRILLA PHOTOGRAPHY! What is "guerrilla photography" you ask? Well I don't actually know if it's a real thing or something I made up in my head... to me "guerrilla photography" is driving along, seeing something amazing, pulling over, and then BAM! Photos! We ended up in a weird parking lot with some pretty sweet typography on a building. There were also some trees so I took some creeper photos of Amanda. (Yes I'm a weirdo.) It was a good time.

We tried a couple other places, got lost again (Worst navigator ever.) and finally ended up at Palmer Park on one of their nature trails. If you've ever been there you know there are many, many, many nature trails in Palmer, we ended up on the boardwalk through the woods and by the creek. There were so many amazing photo opportunities throughout nature walk we ended up on. I also found my love of dead trees. Is that weird?

Let me try to explain. I'm not sure WHY I think this dynamic is amazing, but I love when everything around is green and alive and wonderful and in the midst is the forgotten tree, the dead tree, the broken tree. The amount of photos I took of random dead, broken, fallen trees was insane. It's just beautiful to me.

Me and my favorite dead tree by the path (Taken with iPhone):

We decided to head out to another park to get some sunset pictures and on the way I made Amanda pull over to watch this and we ended up in another church parking lot and there were SO MANY DEAD TREES!

My dead tree forest (Taken with iPhone):

After I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of this wooded area we ended up at Millennium Park for the sunset. It was gorgeous and amazing and I think I got some great photos for sure!

Sunset (taken with iPhone):

I can't explain how excited I am about photography. It's such a creative outlet and with digital photography "film" is unlimited. How can you go wrong?

The ride home was another adventure because I got us lost another 2 or 3 times (Worst navigator ever.) but Amanda was a great sport about it.

This is why I like hanging out with Amanda. She's so easy going and she just goes with the flow. It's good stuff and with so many people in my life having schedules and making plans it's refreshing to have a day where you just go where you end up.

Thank you 100 times over for adventuring with me Amanda!

I can't wait for Thursday night dinner and photo review with friends. (I love getting feedback on my photos and Kendra's husband Chris is kind enough to give it!)

Much love

E

And Sometimes the Best of Intentions...

So BEDA was quite the epic fail for me.

I say that, but I don't think I actually mean that.

I'm still on the fence to be honest.

My goal was to write more. To get in the habit. To really get this thing going. So on one hand I totally NAILED it. On the other hand... BEDA = Blogging EVERY Day in August... So yea... fail...

Overall though I think I'm happy with what I did accomplish. Okay let's make that a more direct statement. I AM happy with what I accomplished. I do feel better about writing.

I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo coming up in just two short months! I'm taking a new approach this year, I'm working on outlining my story. So far I have nothing... But there's still time.

UPDATES!

My birthday was last Friday (the 30th), I had a ridiculously fantastic party on Saturday (31st). I have some really fabulous people in my life. I had a plan to name them all and thank them individually, but there's just no way... I'm too afraid I'll miss someone. (... Brag-town much?)

Sunday brought another surprise in Ronni cleaning up the backyard. I can't even tell you how appreciated that was.

Monday was just a chill day. Breakfast, movie, visiting the fam, RAW... OH! and I started a new book. I love starting new books.

Much love

E

A Bicycle Built for 15

Who would have thought when I walked out of work on Thursday that I would end up on a giant pedal powered vehicle, pedaling through downtown GR on a pub crawl?

Definitely not this girl.

A few weeks ago I was driving downtown and I saw this weird looking contraption.

There were people sitting on either side pedaling away, waving at passing cars, and generally having a fantastic time. I thought to myself, "These people are insane! Who actually does something like this?" Little did I know there were already wheels that had been set into motion and I would be on this same contraption having one of the most unique and entertaining afternoon/evenings of my life.

So the basics. There are 10 pedaling spots, 5 on each side. There are also 2 seats (1 on each side) over a wheel that do not have to pedal. Then there is a bench on the back that at least 3 people can sit on, these are also non-pedaling seats. As you can see there is a driver/steerer that navigates us through the street as you pedal like a maniac. The fastest this guy can go is 5 miles an hour, and if you think that's slow... well... you try pedaling faster! HA!

I had the privilege of pedaling the entire route... which was about 3 miles. Now that might not seem like a lot to you lot, but just think about it. That's a big vehicle. There were 16 people on it, 2 coolers, and snacks. Also hills... lots of hills... even those little guys... they were difficult.

But even with all of that craziness, it truly was a unique and amazing time and I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to partake.

I'm going to turn into Braggy McBraggerson for a minute. There's a really short traffic light we were stopped at and the woman who ran the tour told us we were going to have to pedal like crazy to get through the light so we all got ready. When the light turned green we pedaled like the dickens and made it through while it was still green... I know that may not seem like a big accomplishment to you but I'm going to tell you two reasons why it is impressive. 1 - This was the last leg of the journey after visiting 3 bars. 2 - We were only the second group all summer to make it through that light without it turning red.

Yea!

What do you think about that.

Impressed yet?

Much Love 

E

OH! Here's the website if I've sparked your interest!!

Great Lakes Pub Cruiser

Surprise!

I'll say I hate surprises, but that's not actually true. I want a surprise. Surprise run in with an old friend. Surprise party thrown in my honor. Surprise present "just because". Surprise me!

But make it a true surprise. Make it something that I have not even the slightest of inklings about.

Don't tempt me with little details here and there.

That kind of surprise drives me crazy!

For example, let's pretend it's my birthday month (I'm really digging deep into the depths of my imagination for this scenario) and you know what a friend of mine is getting for my birthday. Don't tell me I'm going to love it. Don't tell me it's the greatest ever. Don't tell me it's perfect for me. I don't want to know.

Anything.

At all.

I don't even want to know that someone got me a present until it's literally being put in my possession.

Then you can tell me all about how you knew I would love it. 

Just leave the suspense out of it.

This might be why I hate suspenseful movies... I don't want to anticipate. I don't want to wonder what it could possibly be. I just want to know... and I want to know NOW!

Yes this might make me the slightest bit of a brat... 

I'm okay with that because it's just a tiny flaw and it's one of the more lovable ones, right?

Oh also... You can take your horrible surprise that will make me hate everything about everything and shove it. I don't even want that in my life in any way.

This has been your daily uplifting message about hope and love brought to you by Ericka...

Okay really I'm not even crabby today. Today was a good day. I just really wanted to share my aversion to surprises and I thought today was the day to do it.

The real kicker?

I absolutely, positively love love love to surprise other people! HA! Isn't that just the most ridiculous thing even. It's probably because when I'm surprising others I am "in the know". And by golly I just love being "in the know". Overload me with information. It's good. I can handle it. In fact, the more info you have on something, the more I want!

Much love

E

To be clear, this is not based on real or true events that are currently taking place in my life. Just a rant that needed to happen.

Writer's Block is a Bee

Writer's block is like insomnia for authors...

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it's how I feel.

I want to imagine. I want to create. I want to write.

My brain however has other plans.

So I sit and I stare at the screen... for seconds... minutes... hours... days... 

I read inspriation pages in hopes of gleaning just a sliver of the promised stimulation to start turning the wheels. And nothing.

Maybe it's because my house is like a sauna tonight and I just can't use brain power to create when it's all used being miserable? Maybe it's because of the mindless reality television that's currently playing in the background? Maybe it's because I've already used all my creativity for the night on my vlog and my photo-a-day challenge? 

Can you use up your creativity? Is there a limit to how much someone has for their life?

I'm a firm believer that some people squander their creativity in exchange for a boring, safe existence.

What if the wasted creativity of the safe floats around in the world until it senses creativity and it latches on... Maybe that's how some poeple continue on...

Sometimes I wonder where my brain goes.

Much love

E

Sick Days

Sick days are the worst. I hate them almost as much as I hate being sick.

Today I woke up with a wicked headache. PAIN!

I thought taking some pain meds and getting a bit more sleep would help out so I made the call to my boss and told her I'd be in for the afternoon. And I meant it. That was the plan. So much so that I was determined to carry it out. So after sleeping a few more hours, taking a shower, and getting ready I headed to work. As I was driving in I started to feel nauseous but I figured it would pass, but then as I walked in the door I realized this was not going to be the case. I walked straight to my bosses desk and she was unfortunately in a meeting so I went to find Jamie and Cassie let them know I was out of there and I hightailed it out of the building and to my car in an effort not to blow chunks all over the office. I even made it a couple miles down the road before having to pull over...

After I made it home I changed back in the ol' pjs and laid on the couch for about 2 hours.

I finally started feeling better around 5pm which was great! My headache had finally abated and I felt like anything I put in my body would actually nourish me instead of make me miserable.

So again feeling much better... worried about how behind I'm going to be when I go into work tomorrow, but everything should be fine... I'm just hoping this headache stays away and I'm not developing another illness.

Only tomorrow can tell.

Much love

E

Another One Bites the Dust...

I've missed another day... Maybe two days actually... I don't think I posted Friday or Saturday...

Damn...

This weekend was quite the busy one.

Movie in the park on Friday. Surprise birthday party on Saturday. Yard work on Sunday. Phew! I'm getting tired just thinking about it... And these are just the highlights!

The movie in the park was super fun! They blocked off the giant hill in Ah-Nab-Awen Park and people brought chairs, beer, and food. Ronni and I met up with Jason, Jess, Dannette, and Lucas. Quality people if you ask me. The movie was Back to the Future which is always a good choice. It was funny because the whole night we all knew we were going to see each other on Saturday with the exception of Jason... it was his surprise party I attended, and we had more than a couple close calls when chatting about the next time we would see each other. 

But the surprise WAS a surprise so YAY!

The party was at Jessica's parent's house right on a lake. It was gorgeous! I decided I wanted to just move in... I'm sure Jess' parents wouldn't mind, right? I adore Jess' mom, she is like my sole mate and she's just the most lovely of people to know. It makes total sense how Jess turned out so amazing.

I did get to chat with Luke a bit about my "brand". I've decided I want to stand out more online... I want something that screams ERICKA with reckless abandon. Luke is going to help me with that. And in exchange I will shamelessly promote all the amazing things he does.

This is his website: True Myth Media

You should go there.

Because of reasons.

I hate to cut this short but because of this thing:

My hands are bruised so typing is painful.

Much love

E

Distractions

OMG! Not again!

Okay.

But really!?

I made a commitment today. I was going to write up my post early and post it with no problems. It was going to be well thought out... not written by the seat of my pants... or something like that. Yet here I am after midnight furiously typing away in order to not miss ANOTHER day this month. 

*CLEARLY* That did not work... 

Damn you social media and the pull you have on me.

Just as I was settling in to start this post I first posted my video link onto Facebook... that was the mistake... I ended up scrolling through the never ending feed and found a link to the Ashton speech the internet was all a buzz with so I clearly had to watch that.

THEN I remembered I needed to post my link to Tumblr because how can you not, and Tumblr is the devil... It sucks you in... You're lucky to get out with your life! I ended up on the Women of YouTube/Female Vlogger tag and there are just some really talented women out in the world. 

Much love

E

Brain... Not... Braining...

Exhaustion has taken over my life. The lack of sleep and insomniatic tendencies I have been experiencing are making for incoherent thoughts and a complete lack of anything worth while to say.

This is has been my day.

Tomorrow marks the half way point for this month.

Holy moly.

Also that means it's almost my birthday.

This makes me happy.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Much love

E

Expectant Expectations

Sometimes I just want to lay in bed, eat truffles all day, and play on the internet.

This is not a thing that I can do on the regular.

This is not even a thing I can do on the random.

But... it's something I would like to do.

Sometimes we have to make choices that are not necesarily the most fun... but they are the choices that make you a functional member of society.

Sometimes I don't want to be a functional member of society.

Sometimes I would like to just be mediocre.

The mediocre don't have expectations thrust upon them.

Oh expectations.

There are the expectations that are thrust upon by ourselves and outside sources. The battle is finding the balance between the two. I've heard many times, and I've even said before that I don't care what others think of me. And to a degree that is absolutely true. But on the other hand what other people think of you and what their perception is of who you are dictates different aspects of your life.

It's quite the tight rope walk.

Much love

E

5 Things I Like About Wisconsin

Why, you might ask yourself, is Ericka writing about Wisconsin?

Well, there are a multitude of reasons truly and I've decided to share 5 of them with you. 

1. I lived in Marinette, WI for 3 years when I was just a young lass. Marinette is right next to the border of Michigan's Upper Peninsula and my mother actually worked in Menominee, MI at the YMCA as a swim instructor and life guard.

2. Leinenkugel Brewing Company. I love me some Berry Weiss. Oh and the Lemon Berry Shandy is just delightful.

3. Wisconsin's state bird is the Robin which was voted on by school children. How cute is that!?

4. Green Bay is the toilet paper capital of the world. This is fact. This is funny. How can you NOT love this?!

5. CHEESE!l Like seriously. Cheese. DAIRY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! I just really love me some cheese. 

My love for cheese is the reason I'm not a vegan. It's the line in the sand.

I just really thought you all should know how much I like cheese and what better way to tell you then through a list of other things I enjoy about the dairy capital of the world?

Much Love

E