Phone Free Weekend!

So the other day at work I was talking to a couple co-workers and an idea sparked in my head.

An idea that some say is crazy.

An idea that some say will never work.

The idea is a challenge.

The challenge is 48 hours cell phone free.

And it's a challenge I attempted (and conquered) last weekend. This is my adventure.

Friday evening I was feeling pretty confident though as the midnight deadline I had created for myself was fast approaching I could feel just a hint of anxiety starting to build. For the most part I hadn't shared that I was going "off the grid" with most people in my life, there were however a select few that I knew might worry if they didn't hear from me for two days and I made sure they were in the know.

I had set an alarm on my phone to go off right before midnight and as it started to ring I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about this whole plan, but my determination won out and the phone went off at 12:02AM Saturday morning.

Now to be fair I should let you know that I did still use my iPad and iPod to listen to music, play games, and clean out my email... BUT with the no phone I decided to take a break from social media as well and I'm happy to say I stayed completely out of Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram which I was not sure I could do let me just tell you!

I could go through each day minute by minute and hour by hour, but that seems boring.... at least it does to me, and I don't think you'd actually enjoy reading that. So instead I wanted to tell you just a few things I learned while living "off the grid".

I learned that I am 100% dependent on my phone to know what time it is. I honestly can't remember the last time I owned or wore a watch. There are also no clocks in my living room at all. Knowing what time it is can be ridiculously important when meeting people for dinner or figuring out if you have enough time to watch another episode of Supernatural before going to sleep and waking up hella early. Also... it should be noted that my cell phone is my alarm clock... I had to get creative for my early Sunday morning.

I learned that not living through Social Media and my phone gave me SO MUCH MORE TIME to just be around my friends. Being present with my friends in the moments as they were happening this weekend was so incredible. It gave me the opportunity to have real conversations without the distractions of notifications every 5 seconds.

I learned that not being tied to my phone was freeing. Since getting a cell phone around 15 years ago I can't think of a time I have not had it attached to my person in some way. Now as phones get "smarter" and the internet larger and everyone seems more and more connected to everyone else the attachment has only increased. It's become a life line of sorts, my life is so wrapped up in my phone with email and billpay and health tracking and the calendar and you know... everything!

I learned that I don't need to be connected.

Now with all of these new life lessons, I also learned that I like being connected usually. I like having my finger on the pulse... or whatever you want to call it. I like being able to check my Twitter account and see if my friends or a random person I follow has tweeted out something entertaining. I like to see how my friends are doing based on their Facebook status updates and seeing pictures of their random adventures. It makes me happy that I can send a text message to my friend and get an instant response. That when I'm hundreds of miles away or hundreds of feet away from someone I love, my words don't have to be.

And maybe that's super cheesy, but I don't care. I love cheese :)

So, I'm sure you're all wondering if this is going become a "thing" for me, eh? And honestly, I'm not sure, I certainly like knowing that I can detach if the need every arises. I will also absolutely be more conscious of the time I'm spending on my phone, specifically when I'm with a friend IRL. 

Oh! Before I close this all up, let me just tell you about the ridiculous ego boost that goes along with turning your phone BACK ON after being off for 48 hours! (And yes, it was a full 48 hours I didn't turn it back on until 12:02AM Monday morning.) The notifications were just wonderful and they popped up for a good 3-5 minutes as everything started to connect to the wi-fi. Absolutely wonderful.

Much love.

E

Too Much & Not Enough

Sometimes things weigh on our minds and even if you haven't completely formed the thoughts in your head, they need to come out.

This is why I'm writing.

But first I need you to know that I am making my self vulnerable right now, and I can't tell you how much that bothers me. I don't enjoy vulnerability... specifically in myself.

My hope is that this bit of myself is met with loving and non-judgmental eyes and caring hearts.

How is it possible to feel both "too much" and "not enough" at the same time?

I know I am not the only person that has felt these conflicting feelings together... and yet when you're in the thick of it you feel like you are. 

Let's talk about "too much" - I've felt this feel before my friends and it is not a happy place! When you're as loud as I am you get used to people telling you to tone it down, be quiet, use your inside voice, etc. etc. It starts to become a part of you, you're the one that always needs to tone it down a notch. You're the one that is too much for others to handle. And while it starts in one tiny aspect of your life it will slowly seep into every part of you. Soon you second guess your humor, your openness, your kindness, your vulnerability, your intelligence, your everything. Is it all too much? Are you too much? When you walk out of a room do those you've left behind all look at each other with that knowing look, that thank-goodness-she's-gone-look-she's-overwhelming-us-all look?

It doesn't matter if that's a real thing, it becomes real in your mind, and friend the mind is very powerful!

Soon it starts to affect the way you react in social situations. It starts to change you, this feeling of being "too much", and you don't even notice because it's subtle at first. It's sneaky. It creates self doubt and self doubt is a son of a bitch.

It starts affecting your solid friendships and relationships with people. If you don't want to seem overwhelming you start to withdraw and stop sharing.

Don't even get me started on making NEW friends! Anyone you meet when you're in this weird realm of reality, do they even meet you?

Now through all this, what happens when someone starts to chip away at this lie of you being "too much"? What happens when you start to let your guard down and you share the burden?

Well first of all, you apologize. You apologize to your friend more times than you've apologized for anything in your life, because that self doubt, that wall that's been built up saying you're too much to handle, that tiny jerk of a voice inside your head tells you to stop burdening this poor soul with your baggage. So you apologize. And you apologize again and again and again and again. Because even though your friend tells you it's not too much, that you're not too much, it's really hard to believe them.

What a concept?!

And truly, you probably won't believe it the first, oh I don't know, 500 times you hear it. But eventually you'll start to realize that if it was truly too much, there's nothing keeping your friend there. Nothing but the love and care they have and show you.

That's an amazing realization, let me tell you...

Now I'd like to talk about "not enough", the evil step sister of "too much"- While you'd think they should be mutually exclusive and not experienced at the same time, evil step siblings gang up on you and they tear you apart for the pure joy of it. The feeling of "not enough" is all about inadequacies, whether real or imagined and that feel is a destroyer.

"Not enough" is cruel and knows no boundaries. Maybe it starts when you're young and you get picked last for the soccer team at recess, or maybe it starts in high school when you're walking home from school with your friend and she tells you she's better than you at a thing you love. That's the kicker with "not enough", it can start with the smallest comment. Most people would let it slide right off their back, it's a throw away, it wasn't meant like that, it was a joke. I am not most people. I take that shit to heart.

It's a seed of doubt and it roots down deep, it's a weed that grows and becomes more than you ever realized. It's a sneaky bastard as well because you don't even realize that you're cultivating it every time you believe someone who tells you that you are not good enough. And believe them you do, man. Because this comes from people you trust, or at least at some point in your life thought were trustworthy, so you believe them and you believe them and you believe them. It's a slippery slope and when you start down, it's so hard to climb back up.

One day as your struggling on your slippery slope someone will tell you that you're amazing. They will tell you exactly what you need to hear. They will tell you that you are enough, you are more than enough because you are you and that's all you need to be. You will call that person a liar... though probably not to their face. But you won't believe them. So they will tell you again... and again and again and again.

And someday, you will believe them. And that my friends is another realization that just knocks your socks off!

It's intense and it's real and it's raw and you feel exposed and vulnerable and oh man oh man...

So this is where my thoughts have taken me today. This is what needed to come out.

This is my vulnerability.

Much love.

E

Do What You Love!

I don't think I say this often enough but I have really amazing and inspiring friends. I have friends that unabashedly love the things they love. I have friends that are geeks and proud. I have friends that are not geeks and are proud of that. I have friends who are sports nuts and friends who are book freaks. And I love it. I just love it.

So today I want to share with you some of the things my amazing friends are doing.

Let's start with Jason. He has a website and has started blogging again. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. Jason's blog used to be one of my favorite things to read back in the day (back in the Myspace Days... yep... it was forever ago...) Anywho he's started a new one and it's phenomenal! You should probably check it out.

Fluxtaposed

Next I'll move to Lucas. Now I've plugged Lucas' site before. He has started a production company with his business partner. First of all I'm so proud of Luke for pursuing something he's passionate about, it's unbelievable inspring.

True Myth Media

New to the blogging world with brand new blog pages are Jess and Dannette. Dannette and I worked together to set her page up and I'm looking forward to reading some great things about her teaching adventures. Jess posted her first post the other night and I can already tell I'm going to love it. Jess has a unique perspective on everything and oh yes, she can tell a story!!

Jess - And P.S.

Dannette - This Super Life

Amanda! Oh Amanda. She has one of the most unique outlooks on life and her passion for her art is insane. I am forever inspired by her. She recently created a website that you should absolutely check out... like now!

Amanda's Site

On the subject of photography Chris! My good friend and former roommate Kendra married Chris last year (the wedding was adorable) and recently I have had the pleasure of being his student while learning the fine art of photography. Chris' pictures are absolutely stunning! I bet you can guess what I'm going to say next, eh? YES!! Check it out!
Chris Vanderlip Fine Art Photography

Okay I could probably go on and on and on with more and more people who do amazing things, but for now it's sleepy time.

Much love

E

OMG! This is my 30th post. YAY! Good times. Thanks for reading :)

Photo Adventuring!

It's September.

The time of PSLs, sweatshirts, turning leaves, and crisp air.

So please explain to me why I'm sitting in a tank and cotton pants with my air conditioner going sweating balls...

Now I know that summer doesn't "officially" end until the 21st or whatever, but this sudden heat wave with added humidity is disgusting.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. Not too hot. Not too cold. Nice breeze. Perfection! I don't think I could have asked for a better day for my photo adventure.

Oh let me tell you about my adventure! 

Early last week I decided I wanted to go out and take pictures, but I wanted a partner. I called up my good friend Amanda and we made plans to take an adventure on Sunday. We started off with one place I wanted to go, a church in a field. That's pretty much all I knew about it, I had been there earlier this year for a service and I just thought it looked so amazing inside and through the windows into the farm and fields next door.

On the way to said church we ended up lost more than once because even though I thought I knew where I was going, I was clearly wrong. (Worst navigator ever.) But we finally made it and the church was closed... worst news ever. But we were still able to take a few really great pictures of the farms and fields and even a few through the giant windows on the side of the church... why yes, yes we were being creepers.

Our next stop ended up being GUERRILLA PHOTOGRAPHY! What is "guerrilla photography" you ask? Well I don't actually know if it's a real thing or something I made up in my head... to me "guerrilla photography" is driving along, seeing something amazing, pulling over, and then BAM! Photos! We ended up in a weird parking lot with some pretty sweet typography on a building. There were also some trees so I took some creeper photos of Amanda. (Yes I'm a weirdo.) It was a good time.

We tried a couple other places, got lost again (Worst navigator ever.) and finally ended up at Palmer Park on one of their nature trails. If you've ever been there you know there are many, many, many nature trails in Palmer, we ended up on the boardwalk through the woods and by the creek. There were so many amazing photo opportunities throughout nature walk we ended up on. I also found my love of dead trees. Is that weird?

Let me try to explain. I'm not sure WHY I think this dynamic is amazing, but I love when everything around is green and alive and wonderful and in the midst is the forgotten tree, the dead tree, the broken tree. The amount of photos I took of random dead, broken, fallen trees was insane. It's just beautiful to me.

Me and my favorite dead tree by the path (Taken with iPhone):

We decided to head out to another park to get some sunset pictures and on the way I made Amanda pull over to watch this and we ended up in another church parking lot and there were SO MANY DEAD TREES!

My dead tree forest (Taken with iPhone):

After I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of this wooded area we ended up at Millennium Park for the sunset. It was gorgeous and amazing and I think I got some great photos for sure!

Sunset (taken with iPhone):

I can't explain how excited I am about photography. It's such a creative outlet and with digital photography "film" is unlimited. How can you go wrong?

The ride home was another adventure because I got us lost another 2 or 3 times (Worst navigator ever.) but Amanda was a great sport about it.

This is why I like hanging out with Amanda. She's so easy going and she just goes with the flow. It's good stuff and with so many people in my life having schedules and making plans it's refreshing to have a day where you just go where you end up.

Thank you 100 times over for adventuring with me Amanda!

I can't wait for Thursday night dinner and photo review with friends. (I love getting feedback on my photos and Kendra's husband Chris is kind enough to give it!)

Much love

E

And Sometimes the Best of Intentions...

So BEDA was quite the epic fail for me.

I say that, but I don't think I actually mean that.

I'm still on the fence to be honest.

My goal was to write more. To get in the habit. To really get this thing going. So on one hand I totally NAILED it. On the other hand... BEDA = Blogging EVERY Day in August... So yea... fail...

Overall though I think I'm happy with what I did accomplish. Okay let's make that a more direct statement. I AM happy with what I accomplished. I do feel better about writing.

I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo coming up in just two short months! I'm taking a new approach this year, I'm working on outlining my story. So far I have nothing... But there's still time.

UPDATES!

My birthday was last Friday (the 30th), I had a ridiculously fantastic party on Saturday (31st). I have some really fabulous people in my life. I had a plan to name them all and thank them individually, but there's just no way... I'm too afraid I'll miss someone. (... Brag-town much?)

Sunday brought another surprise in Ronni cleaning up the backyard. I can't even tell you how appreciated that was.

Monday was just a chill day. Breakfast, movie, visiting the fam, RAW... OH! and I started a new book. I love starting new books.

Much love

E

Another One Bites the Dust...

I've missed another day... Maybe two days actually... I don't think I posted Friday or Saturday...

Damn...

This weekend was quite the busy one.

Movie in the park on Friday. Surprise birthday party on Saturday. Yard work on Sunday. Phew! I'm getting tired just thinking about it... And these are just the highlights!

The movie in the park was super fun! They blocked off the giant hill in Ah-Nab-Awen Park and people brought chairs, beer, and food. Ronni and I met up with Jason, Jess, Dannette, and Lucas. Quality people if you ask me. The movie was Back to the Future which is always a good choice. It was funny because the whole night we all knew we were going to see each other on Saturday with the exception of Jason... it was his surprise party I attended, and we had more than a couple close calls when chatting about the next time we would see each other. 

But the surprise WAS a surprise so YAY!

The party was at Jessica's parent's house right on a lake. It was gorgeous! I decided I wanted to just move in... I'm sure Jess' parents wouldn't mind, right? I adore Jess' mom, she is like my sole mate and she's just the most lovely of people to know. It makes total sense how Jess turned out so amazing.

I did get to chat with Luke a bit about my "brand". I've decided I want to stand out more online... I want something that screams ERICKA with reckless abandon. Luke is going to help me with that. And in exchange I will shamelessly promote all the amazing things he does.

This is his website: True Myth Media

You should go there.

Because of reasons.

I hate to cut this short but because of this thing:

My hands are bruised so typing is painful.

Much love

E

Sunburn, Sore Muscles, and Sleepiness

I could come up with a myriad of excuses as to why there was no post last night. But alas, I will not.

Do I feel bad?

Kind of.

Do I see myself as a giant failure frog?

Maybe a little.

Will I be posting an extra blog post at some random point during the remaining days of this month in hopes of keeping the integrity of BEDA by making sure I have 31 posts by the end of the year.

Most definitely!

Well, now that you're done giving me the guilt trip. Let me tell you about my weirdly surprising and happy weekend!

Friday night I left work thinking I would just pick up some food for Ronni and I and go home, watch some tele, and go to bed early. One of those things happened... Ronni met me for dinner and then we met my parents at Menard's to pick up bricks for the retaining wall my parents purchased and assembled in my backyard for my birthday. Then after unloading the bricks Ronni and I did watch some TV and then it was off to bed... but super late!

Saturday morning came WAY to early as I met Jamie, Cassie, Brooke, Mom, and Dad for breakfast at 9:30 (well I was a little late having misplaced my car keys the night before and not being able to find them for a good 15 minutes. Breakfast was wonderful and then we parted ways from Cassie and Brooke. The rest of us went back to my house where the "back yard project" began. Ronni helped out a bit before ditching us to go out to lunch with Alan, but who could blame her? HA!

Here is the list of things I wanted to do in the backyard:

Build retaining wall

Mow

Weed

Get rid of giant dirt piles along the fence so the dog doesn't jump OVER the fence

Redo the 16'x14' patio brinks

Plant a garden behind the retaining wall

Spread weed & feed through entire back yard

Hang lattice to cover below the deck so the dog stops going under the deck

Cut up the tree branches that had fallen in a storm

Here is the list of things we DID on Saturday:

Mowed the backyard

Built a retaining wall

Planted a garden behind the retaining wall

Removed the patio bricks from their uneven resting place

Spread weed & feed through entire back yard

Cut up NOT ONLY the tree branches that had fallen in a storm but also cut down two more dead branches and cut those as well

Carried giant rocks into my backyard to put into the garden

Killed bees and knocked down their nest

Weeded like a crazy person

Got rid of the dirt by the fence on half the yard.

Things left to do:

Hang lattice

Level patio and place bricks back into place

Get rid of dirt by the fence in the other half of the yard

Overall I would say Saturday was ridiculously productive!

Before on the left/After on the right:

OH! And Sunday morning my mother came over with a butterfly bush she planted in the new garden (with the 3 lilac bushes she planted Sunday) and like 6 or 7 bags of mulch which she spread in the garden for me.

So after all that work on Saturday my thoughts went to relax and sleep, but then the opportunity to go karaoke presented itself... and having not been out to karaoke in almost 2 months I just couldn't pass it up so out I went with my good friend Keri.

Keri and I had sushi for dinner which was absolutely fantastic and then we headed on down to good ol' gay bar to get our karaoke on! 

Here's Keri singing her heart out:

Luke was hosting which is always a delight and Pookie came down which was wonderful as well. THEN! Low and behold there was a secret guest! David showed up!

Me and David:

What an absolutely wonderful and welcome surprise! David moved to Minneapolis a little over a year ago which was the saddest of days because he's my duet partner at karaoke. He's also my friend, but you know... priorities and such. Anywho, David just got news that he is moving to Chicago (well right outside of Chicago) which is just the bees knees! Super excited to have him MUCH closer than he has been. Plus running into him Saturday night was just the best thing ever :) We got to sing our "signature" song... if you could call it that, and we tried out a new one. I don't know how he felt about the new one but I absolutely loved it, my part is all harmonies and as a soprano that's a rare thing for me!

So needless to say Saturday was a loooooong but fantastic day!

Then we open on Sunday... Sunday consisted of me sleeping until noon thirty which was just lovely after an an unexpected night out. But then the pain started. You know. The pain. The pain you get the day after you spend 8 hours working in the hot sun on your yard. That pain. The pain that hits every part of your body, every muscle you know you have and every muscle you never knew existed. And that is your reality for the rest of your day. Everything else takes second chair to that. Even now as I'm typing this I can feel my legs just burning! Then you start to realize exactly where you are sunburned. Your scalp. The tops of your ears. The back of your neck right where your hairline hits. Your nose. Your cheeks. Using a blow dryer is OUT OF THE QUESTION!

So I tried my hardest not to do anything all day. Ronni and I went to see Furious 6 which was quite delightful if you like movies with very little plot and SO MUCH STREET RACING. Which I do. So I was happy.

Then it was home for a lot of sitting around. One load of laundry (I really hate laundry) and the latest episode of True Blood.

All in all.

Good weekend.

Much Love

E

One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days where you are pretty sure no matter what you do or say it's going to be wrong.

You know... one of those days...

Today was that day for me.

It's left me feeling uninspired and more than a little underwhelmed.

So instead of droning on and on about how horrible everything went today, this post is going be super short and sweet... And I'm going to try to bring on some positivity.

Today I am grateful to good friends who will meet you for a drink because you had a crappy day and instead of judging you or trying to fix you they just listen. Even when a quick drink turns into hours of sitting and listening to venting on top of more venting that probably (ok definitely) sounded like whining at times they just listen.

Do you have someone like that in your life? I'm lucky to have quite a few good friends like that. So there's your positivity.

I'm going back to being grumpy now, but tomorrow will totes be better, right?

Much love 

E

Rainy Day Thoughts

Sometimes everything works out perfectly. You show up exactly on time to meet your friend. You are funny and good conversation and good times are had by all.

Other times you find yourself sitting in a McDonald's using their free wifi because you don't think to check what time you're supposed to show up at your friends house and you get there an hour early and there's no one there. So you have nothing to do by drive around trying to find a Starbucks (because you have a gold card and a free beverage) only to realize that contrary to popular belief Starbucks is NOT on every corner of every block in the world.

And now it's pouring rain so this is perfect.

But the rain doesn't really make a bad day worse, it just adds to the weird and random nature of the day.

So you find a McDonald's and you seem to remember from years and years ago that they once upon a time had free wifi... You think to yourself 'Can I get by with just ordering an iced tea and not feel bad about borrowing the wifi?' and then you realize you're pretty hungry because the mix up in time means you didn't eat before you left and now you have an hour so a snack sound pretty good...

BUT!

You don't want to eat like a whole meal. Also this is McDonald's and you're a vegetarian. You could get a salad, but that doesn't really sound appetizing (and you have a salad you're bringing to your friends house in your car). So you end up with that iced tea you were really craving, french fries because it's McDonald's, and a flurry because why the hell not?

Now as luck would have it you find a prime (and I mean PRIME) people watching seat in which to perch yourself as you waste some time AND (THANK GOODNESS) the DO have free wifi here!

This is the best day.

And it's only 1:15 PM.

Yes... This is my life...