Sleep is Elusive... So I Write

I don't know that I have anything of value to post today but I can't sleep so this is what is going to happen. No sleep for me means random blog post for you and your eyes to read.

I make no promises that this will be coherent or entertaining. Only that it will be.

First of all I feel the need to thank those friends that after my post last week reached out to me. You're all beautiful flowers and I love you.

Now onto the random ramblings of a slightly crazy, sleep deprived person!

Today my world was spinning. Now you're probably thinking to yourself... "Ericka, every single person's world spins! That's what the world does. It spins. Duh! We learn this early in school my friend." And well... You would be right. However today my world was spinning in the this-is-going-to-fast-and-I-don't-want-to-ride-on-this-ride-anymore way. So I did what any sane person would do in the same situation and I sat at my desk and cried for a minute (maybe more than a minute). These are things people do, they let their feelings out, it's not a big deal. Okay?

I'm not going to go into why I was upset, mostly because I don't know... But also because I don't really feel like sharing all the crazy that goes on up in my head. It's mine and you can't have it, so there. You probably have your own shit you're not dealing with, so don't look at me with those judgemental eyes either!

Back to the spinning. I'm not sure when it started and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm hanging on for dear life or anything like that, because let me just tell you it's not that dramatic, but when I start to think about all the things I should be doing compared to the things I'm actually doing the scales begin to tip and the overwhelming feeling of YIKES! starts.

Now I should probably say that I know the expectations that I put on myself are MUCH higher than anyone else could ever put on me... unless you think I should rule the wor-- Actually no, the expectations I put on myself will always be 175% more than anyone else ever could. So the list of "should" is not anywhere close to realistic, and my rational mind knows this. But lets be real. Irrationality is where it's at, bro! 

So bring on the guilt! (Though side note: The guilt trip I lay on myself will be much more than anyone could ever lay on me, so that's a thing.)

So where does this leave things?

Oh, I'm sure I have no idea.

But it does feel better to write about them.

It feels nice to get random thoughts out into the world, so that's what I will continue to do. Maybe you will read them and something will resonate with you and that's cool. Maybe that won't happen, and that's cool too. 

Either way I'll probably keep doing this when sleep is elusive.

Now for something COMPLETELY different. Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire" is probably my favorite thing in the whole world right now. And Jasmine Thompson's cover of it is hauntingly beautiful. You're welcome.

Much Love.

E